| Troy: *** |
| Why, yes! It IS a great and wondrous omen from the Gods! Go ahead and bring it into the city! Fucking morons. |
This is some goofy bullshit, but it's really well crafted and entertaining goofy
bullshit. Director Wolfgang Petersen sure seems to have fizzled after giving us Das Boot
(maybe the greatest war movie ever), but I guess it's nice to know that he can still grace
us with a really big, bombastic, and visually gorgeous spectacle.
Yep, it's that Trojan War movie with Brad Pitt as Achilles. By now, you folks all know
how the story goes down. It was in all the papers. Though here, Petersen hipchecks all
the Gods and supernatural events out of the picture. Okay. Whatever. Anyway, the sons
of Troy's King Priam (Peter O'Toole, elevating the movie whenever he's in the frame),
Hector (Eric Bana, ditto) and Paris (Orlando Bloom -- has he been in ANY movie where
he isn't fucking master of all things archery? Jesus.) are in Greece sealing the deal on a
peace between their two great nations. Which Paris promptly fucks all to hell by making
the best with two backs with King Menelaus' wife Helen and then stowing her away for
the return voyage home.
Oh, yeah, is she ever gonna launch a thousand ships.
Hector's in major league WTF??? mode. How could Paris be so incredibly selfish
and cataclysmically stupid. How could his father take the mystic horseshit fed to him by
his soothsayer and come up with "We shall war against Greece's combined armies!"
Throughout the movie, Hector is one of the very few who have the clarity to realize how
batshit insane this war is.
Menelaus appeals to King Agememnon (Brian Cox, the original Hannibal Lecter, his
own bad self) for aid in bring down righteous vengeance upon Troy and Agememnon
readily agrees. Troy'd be a lovely addition to his kingdom. Let's see if those vaunted
impregnable walls can be breached.
Agememnon has one hell of a trump card -- Achilles (Pitt). Well, kinda. Achilees is
the worst fucking pain in the ass prima donna imaginable. Maybe he'll show up to fight.
Maybe he won't. The warrior as rock star. And he wears his contempt for Agememnon
on his sleeve. Still, Achilles has the goods. He's feared throughout the known world for
damned good reason. Y'know, I thought this casting choice might result in Costner as
Robin Hood style unintentional hilarity, but Pitt's actually pretty decent in the role. He
pulls off the personna of a spoiled, arrogant pretty boy quite convincingly.
And so it's war. And a mighty good looking war at that. The film's reliance on CGI
work didn't bother me; I thought that it looked pretty sharp and it was well integrated into
the live action. Art? Hell, no. But it boasts some fine performances, Peterson does a
terrific job choreographing the epic spectacle, and it's just so damn great to look at.
Actually, excise the gore and sensuality and Troy could be one of those ancient history
period pieces from the 50's. It won''t challenge your intellect or fire your imagination, but
if you've got a soft spot for epic spectacle, this'll show you a good time.
-Maneating Lemur (10/13/08).
bullshit. Director Wolfgang Petersen sure seems to have fizzled after giving us Das Boot
(maybe the greatest war movie ever), but I guess it's nice to know that he can still grace
us with a really big, bombastic, and visually gorgeous spectacle.
Yep, it's that Trojan War movie with Brad Pitt as Achilles. By now, you folks all know
how the story goes down. It was in all the papers. Though here, Petersen hipchecks all
the Gods and supernatural events out of the picture. Okay. Whatever. Anyway, the sons
of Troy's King Priam (Peter O'Toole, elevating the movie whenever he's in the frame),
Hector (Eric Bana, ditto) and Paris (Orlando Bloom -- has he been in ANY movie where
he isn't fucking master of all things archery? Jesus.) are in Greece sealing the deal on a
peace between their two great nations. Which Paris promptly fucks all to hell by making
the best with two backs with King Menelaus' wife Helen and then stowing her away for
the return voyage home.
Oh, yeah, is she ever gonna launch a thousand ships.
Hector's in major league WTF??? mode. How could Paris be so incredibly selfish
and cataclysmically stupid. How could his father take the mystic horseshit fed to him by
his soothsayer and come up with "We shall war against Greece's combined armies!"
Throughout the movie, Hector is one of the very few who have the clarity to realize how
batshit insane this war is.
Menelaus appeals to King Agememnon (Brian Cox, the original Hannibal Lecter, his
own bad self) for aid in bring down righteous vengeance upon Troy and Agememnon
readily agrees. Troy'd be a lovely addition to his kingdom. Let's see if those vaunted
impregnable walls can be breached.
Agememnon has one hell of a trump card -- Achilles (Pitt). Well, kinda. Achilees is
the worst fucking pain in the ass prima donna imaginable. Maybe he'll show up to fight.
Maybe he won't. The warrior as rock star. And he wears his contempt for Agememnon
on his sleeve. Still, Achilles has the goods. He's feared throughout the known world for
damned good reason. Y'know, I thought this casting choice might result in Costner as
Robin Hood style unintentional hilarity, but Pitt's actually pretty decent in the role. He
pulls off the personna of a spoiled, arrogant pretty boy quite convincingly.
And so it's war. And a mighty good looking war at that. The film's reliance on CGI
work didn't bother me; I thought that it looked pretty sharp and it was well integrated into
the live action. Art? Hell, no. But it boasts some fine performances, Peterson does a
terrific job choreographing the epic spectacle, and it's just so damn great to look at.
Actually, excise the gore and sensuality and Troy could be one of those ancient history
period pieces from the 50's. It won''t challenge your intellect or fire your imagination, but
if you've got a soft spot for epic spectacle, this'll show you a good time.
-Maneating Lemur (10/13/08).